Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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