I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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