so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
