I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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