I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
