Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
