I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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