i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
