I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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