I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
