And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
