he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
