i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
