Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
