Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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