If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
