I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
