That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
