i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
