The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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