I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
