dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
