someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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