Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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