We're facebook friends in real life
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
