I met the friendliest cop last night
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
