Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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