i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
