u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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