life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
