wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
