in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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