What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
