my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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