I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is Oprah even human
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
