Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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