I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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