After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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