If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
