I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
