did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
