Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
