So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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