my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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