I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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