laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
