I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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