kristin has been a bad kristin
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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