I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize