No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
