Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
