i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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