did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
What drink are we having for lunch?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
