I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
oh god the rape fog is back!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
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Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
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Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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