butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
