Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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