these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
