I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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