That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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