margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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