Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
