I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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