lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
