it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
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There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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