Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
