I showed him my bush... on skype.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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