people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
