I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
