thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
