good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
