I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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