it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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