We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
