I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize