We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
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god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
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I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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