The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
