hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize