I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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