Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
