i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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