Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
