How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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